Physical touch and closeness is a powerful force of communication in a marriage. “Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse” (p. 107).

Just being close or in the same room with a spouse who has this primary love language shows them love and security.

If you or your spouse is strong in this love language, it is very important to hone in on this because without it they may feel unloved, even though you are actively showing love in all of the other love languages.

Physical touch doesn’t always mean sexual touch. Sometimes it takes just a light touch, a hug, holding hands, or sitting close together that adds to that spouse’s Love Tank.

Physical touch is up high on my husband’s love language list. For me, it is at the bottom of the list. That does not mean that it’s not important to me. It is just not numero uno. Yet, when I learned about the Love Languages I had to make a conscious effort to remember how important it is to my husband.

When we walk we always hold hands. When we pray together or in a group setting we always hold hands. If we are sitting next to one another, my husband puts his hand on my leg, around my shoulder, or the back of the chair.

However, the body is made for touching. Within the politeness of society, we communicate by shaking hands. Some countries kiss both cheeks in a greeting. Hugging is for happiness as well as for support or sympathy. Touch is important even if it is not your primary love language.

If physical touch is at the bottom of your love language list, this may be a struggle for you if, for your spouse, it is number one or two. It would be great to get the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and read through the book to understand our needs for all of the types of love.

Gary Chapman explains a lot about not only the neurological basis of the sense of touch, but also the psychological, and  physiological importance of all of the Love Languages. He does this with scientific facts, word pictures, and stories. I highly recommend reading the book or listening to it on Audible, preferably with your spouse. If going through the book together doesn’t work into your busy lifestyle then go through it yourself. You will be amazed on how much you will learn about yourself and your spouse.

Giving and receiving any of the love languages will enhance your marriage and bring you closer to your spouse, as well as your children, loved ones, and friends.

In the throws of being pregnant, having little babies awake at night, and toddlers running around it is difficult to think about physical intimacy with your husband. Believe me; I know. Yet, it is necessary for the husband-wife relationship and is an integral part of the foundation in your marriage.

Bart studied me and the love languages very carefully. He knew and participated in the raising of our little ones and made sure to strengthen our marriage. Sometimes he would plan for a sitter and then let me know last minute (so that I wouldn’t stress about all I had to do as a mom) that we were going out on a date. Hence, he was fulfilling both our needs for closeness.

Here Are Some Keys to Help

  • Read up on the Love Language Physical Touch and Closeness. If you don’t have time to read the book The 5 Love Languages then google “Love Language Physical Touch and Closeness”.
  • Communicate how to give love in this love language with your spouse. Don’t be shy. This is who you married and want to stay married to for a lifetime. Ask what his needs are.
  • Communicate your needs to your spouse and how you can recieve love in this love language. Once again, don’t be shy. He needs to know how to love you fully.
  • DATE, DATE, DATE! Dating always brings closeness and intimacy in your marriage.


If you are on a budget then be creative. Find a friend you can trust and trade babysitting. I did this with a friend who had four little girls and me with three little girls…YES! There was a total of seven girls (8-years-old to 1-year-old). It was fun and crazy. This takes a lot of pre-planning but so worth it. Now, these girls are all grown up and are still the best of friends.

A date doesn’t have to be away from home. Although those and overnights are always the most relaxing after you get away from the house. Having a picnic in the local park, or beach is a fun date and doesn’t cost that much. Watching a late night movie after the children are asleep counts as a date. My husband and I have “spa” nights, both fulling the Acts of Service and the Physical Touch and Closeness Love Languages. Don’t forget the candles, essential oils, and ask Alexa to put on “spa radio!”

Be creative! Your marriage needs it!