Performing “Acts of Service” is doing something that your spouse would like them to do or you know will bless them…

(without them having to ask, nag, or bribe you to do). LOL!

No one likes to be forced to do anything, LOVE is ALWAYS freely given! (p. 96)

“Acts of service” is a selfless act, seeking to please your spouse. If Acts of Service is not a numero uno love language or further at the bottom of your Love Language list, this one will take some practice and even more effort to remember to show love to your spouse.

Moms are generally big on Acts of Service and often have to work hard at the other languages to balance out their acts of service that are necessary to keep the families’ daily life ticking along. Sometimes Acts of Service flows along between couples naturally. Yet, there are a lot of couples that are not speaking the same language nor in the same dialect.

The most important factor for someone whose primary love language is Acts of Service is that they need to communicate how they receive this important love language.

Sometimes a spouse tries to perform acts of service for their loved one and it doesn’t come across as an act of love.

Keys to giving and receiving Acts of Service.

  • Communication is #1!

If Acts of Service is high on your list, communicating what that is and what pleases you and makes you feel loved is SO important. Your spouse cannot read your mind. Your husband may be working in the yard all day Saturday to make the yard look nice for you and your family, while you are inside cleaning and your sweet little ones are following behind you un-tidying
what you just just worked so hard to clean up.   

YET, you would have felt more loved if your husband would have spent time with the little ones at the park or playing in the backyard while you finished up your Saturday chores, went to lunch with a girlfriend or ran off to the gym. Men like directions and lists. So, communication is key with this love language (actually with all of them, but especially with this one as it can be so misunderstood).

  • Pay attention to the little things!

If your husband’s number one love language is Acts of Service, and it is not clear to you how your husband receives this love language…start off by simply asking for 3-5 things that blesses them. If your husband is having a hard time communicating this then give some suggestions. After all, no one knows your husband quite like you (except for his mother, LOL)!

Remember, seasons of life come and go, desires and needs change along with the challenges and blessings of life, and it’s so
important to pay attention to what responses your husband is giving you. Does he get more excited when you pick up the house or buy him a small gift? He will get most excited when you clean up, cook dinner, or fix something he’s been complaining about if he is an Acts of Service guy.


“Learning the Love Language of Acts of Service will require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. These have changed over the last several decades, but the models from our past can linger, and different cultures have different expectations of the ‘right’ way things are done in marriage”.

In other words, times have changed and expectations have evolved in this big beautiful world we live in. COMMUNICATION IS A MUST to translate what specific actions are needed to fill up the Love Tank and strengthen a marriage.